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Your gut is telling you.

Beyond tangible evidence, you just can’t shrug the feeling away. If this is persistent, Sanders notes this could be your gut instinct telling you something. Growing research2

suggests your gut feelings should not be prematurely dismissed. In fact, your brain may be weaving together past experiences along with present cues in the environment to intuitively aid your cognitive processing and decision-making.

“Always trust your gut,” Sanders recommends, though she adds, “But sometimes, if you’ve got attachment or betrayal trauma, it’s hard to tell the difference between your gut and your trauma. So, definitely seek counseling for that so you can learn to trust your gut.”

explanation

Sit with your emotions.

If you believe your boyfriend is cheating, this will be a painful and earth-shattering process to unearth the truth. Because of the potential pain it can bring, Sanders advises to conduct yourself in a way that matches how you feel. “Don’t suppress your feelings; that will just cause you pain later on. If they ask what’s wrong and you’re not ready to talk about it, then say that you’re not ready.”

During this time, center your emotions as you take your time while you are figuring out the next step. Journal, talk about it with trusted friends who can listen to your emotions without judgment or the need for action, and lean on your self-care practices. Don’t skip out on this step-it’s crucial for your well-being.

“If they are cheating, then they can sit with that a bit longer while you figure yourself out. If they’re not cheating and they’re a good match for you, they’re probably going to worry for you but will be fine,” Sanders says.

Don’t snoop.

To confirm your hunch, you might feel the urge to go through their phone, DMs, or read their emails, but Sanders recommends not invading their privacy. “You’re either going to find something you don’t like, or you’re going to find a reason later on to be suspicious again,” she says. Trust is sacred, and if you snoop without their permission, that means the trust is already broken.

She recommends seeking therapy to work on the trust issues-regardless of whether they were warranted or not. Going deeper, Sanders points out it’s a sign you may have a dysregulated attachment style since people with healthy and secure attachment styles don’t feel the need to snoop since they engage in honest communication to mitigate this type of behavior.

Have the conversation.

“When feeling concerned about cheating in your relationship, it’s important to have the hard conversations,” Jones says. “While conversations surrounding cheating may not be easy to approach, it will undoubtedly provide clarity on the situation at hand so that you can decide how to move forward with confidence and certainty.”

Don’t worry about doing it perfectly. All you have to worry about is honoring yourself and making sure you’re advocating for your needs. A confrontation is the only approach that will confirm what’s going on. When you’re ready, be sure to bring up any evidence you’ve gathered and bring up how you need to hear the truth-no matter how much it may hurt. Having a mutual, reciprocal relationship is what you deserve.

During the conversation, you can say, “I’m noticing some things that are making it hard for me to trust you. I’m feeling insecure and afraid you might be cheating on me. I would like to open the floor for an honest conversation to see what’s really going on so I can feel safe again in the relationship. Would you be open to talking to me?”